{{NSFW}}
Hello, I know you may not beleive this, but I think I may have traced the Origin of the Bubonic Plague. Working closely with the esteemed Dr. Giorgio A. Tsoukalos, I have found some shocking facts. We all know that E.T was in Africa shortly before the Plague Epidemic, so mabye he has something to do with it? He said something about "Phoning Homies". He was eating a dead baboon he found and it got him sick so he wanted to get these "homies" to cure him with their magical alien undewear.
I'm not saying it was Aliens, but it was aliens. ET's Homies were wearing tatoos and they came from the sky. We beleive that they came here to cure ET, but little did they know that they would ruin the world forever. However, they walked in on ET masturbating to Alien Porn. They were shocked and said they were grossed out and he was one sick gangsta. ET cried and decided to kill his friends by ejaculating down their throats and shoving M&Ms down their throats with his skinny alien genitals.
ET realized that earth justice would probably call him a murderer, so he threw the bodies of his gangstas on a boat. But since they were in africa, some big black dude comes up to him yelling "Yo, homie, get outta my streets or I gon deck you!" ET took his penis out and ejaculated on Tyrone, making him wipe his black guy hands on his body trying to get the green mushroom grease that was ET's cemin off of himself. ET took this time to finish shoving his homies' bodies in the boat, and killed Tyrone and shoved him in because why not?
The bodies of Tyrone and ET's homies decayed and Mickey Mouse ate them. He realized that ET meat is poisonous, so he died. It is thought that ET meat carried the Bubonic Plague. As I said, I'm not saying it was aliens (Oh wait, I totally am), it's just a theory. Mickey Mouse, Tyrone, and the meatless bodies of ET's homies washed up in Europe and their disease got spread. However, the Plague actually had a lesser strain called the Bubonic Dress-like-a-retard plague. This is what we think made Plague Doctors exist. Because who would be enough of a Retard to dress like a bird with robes? We think this plague was developed by Tyrone's black guy genes messing with the ET genes.
I have now finished presenting my speech. However, I have realized that there is a plague doctor in the crowd. He's calling me a "lost child" and a wretch. Now he's taking a big cauldron out. OH GOD ITS FILLED WITH PLAGUE-RIDDEN BACON. Oops. I ate the bacon. This means I indirectly ate ET's cemin and am probably gay. DAMMIT PLAGUE DOCTOR THANKS FOR MAKING ME SO GAY.